This is something I always wonder:
Say a guy comes up to you and asks for your number.. you know his friends are in the distance watching. You know you don’t want to go on a date with him but you also don’t want to reject him in front of all of his friends… is it better to just not give him your number and take a dagger and chuck it at his ego? Or let him look cool in front of his friends and then not respond to any text/calls? OR let him look cool and then text him and say you aren’t interested…?
There are pros and cons to both. The third one to me seems like a complete oxymoron.. he would be thinking, “why give me your number if you aren’t interested?” and obvioiusly we can’t respond with, “look sparky, you should be thanking me. For a number of reasons. I let you look cool getting a girls number in front of your friends AND I’m saving you time and money. So my response to you is, you’re so very welcome.” (jk.. but seriously time is an extremely valuable entity!) But then the other two options he will be left thinking you are stuck up, a brat, whatever guys say these days.
So boys, what would you prefer? I am sincerely curious.
Also another random thought..
I was talking to my friend, (blank.. he won’t let me say his name, ugh). If you know him though, you know he is a handsome devil and quite the catch. Sooo why have I heard people say some negative things about him?
My theory:
When guys or girls get rejected, they feel stupid and inferior. Feeling stupid/inferior generally leads to you wanting to say something mean about the person to help yourself feel better about getting rejected. I am sure a lot of girls have fallen for *blank* and he maybe hasn’t been interested in return. Which then results in girls running around feeling insecure saying, “ugh he is SUCH a jerk and treats girls like CRAP.”
Well no… he just wasn’t interested.
My theory has been proven time and time again when I will hear a guy say something negative about a friend. He of course, will not know her at all, but since I am her friend I know that he asked her out and she was not interested. So all he knows about her is that a. he was interested and b. she wasn’t.
My friend Sadie came home one day and said, “(so and so) is up at the girl’s apartment above us and he kept saying how rude you are.” Oh really? Because I have never spent two seconds of time with him. The only encounter we had was him asking me out and I didn’t go.
I also have an amazing friend and I once wanted to set him up on a date with this pretty girl. His response was, “Oh no, I asked her out but she doesn’t seem interested, or else I would because she seems like an awesome girl.”
That is the mature response. You obviously saw something in the boy/girl or you wouldn’t have wanted to get to know them. Just because he/she isn’t interested it doesn’t make them a jerk.
That’s all.
P.S. Here is a little sneak peek of the shoot I did today! I’m excited to show you guys because the photographer, hair stylist, make up artist, and dress designer, are all SO talented and for any of you getting married in the near future they would be amazing to use! The lady who made the dress custom designs gowns at a super affordable price. They are absolutely stunning! Soo watch for that post! I’ll give you all their contact info.
P.S.S. No, I’m not engaged, almost engaged, or anything close.
I would imagine that it really blows to be rejected in front of your friends, although it’s never happened to me. That’s not to say I’ve never been rejected though!
I can tell you that the WORST rejection is when the girl just stops responding to calls or texts! While the girl is thinking “he’ll probably get the hint”, he’s thinking, “maybe she’s on a date tonight, that’s why she’s not responding.”
Then, when she doesn’t call the next day, he thinks, “maybe she’s just busy”.
Then, “maybe she just doesn’t like talking; I’ll text her instead.”
Then, “why the F*** won’t she respond?!”
Then, “She’s playing the game. Gotta play back. I’ll give her a week and then call her again.”
Then, the fun part…”that B**** won’t even show me enough respect to at least respond and say she’s not interested!” (thus the rude comments made behind the girl’s back!)
Solution, give him one date, and then decide if you’re interested. If not, tell him. Call, text, whatever, just tell him straight up! That’s how guys solve problems, too…if guys get in a fight, they yell at each other, throw a few punches…then go back to life as usual…problem solved. It hurts really bad in the moment, but then it’s over quickly. Rip it off like a bandaidl don’t drag it out.
Forthright honesty is MUCH more respectful than ignoring him!
I say these things…Amen.
Anonymous- Thank you for your answer!! good to know!
xoxo
I am going to post the responses I got so everyone else can see!
Billy Copsey- I would say being rejected builds character teaches young men to LEGGO of that EGGO. Lol every boy gets kicked off the horse now and again it’s the standing up that makes a man.
Tommy Johnsen- Life philosophy: Rip the Band-Aid off fast.
If one party isn’t interested, its probably not going to work out, don’t lead each other on and create confusion and eventual hurt feelings.
Same goes for ex’s I think. Let go of jealousy and wish the other person well, dontcha think?
Brandon Roberts- Okay I am going to try to take a shot at answering this question. I would like to believe that there are more than just three alternatives to this particular predicament. Perhaps some other alternatives can be to just turn around and run away as fast as she can, or she can punch the guy in the face (which would really throw him off and would be crazy), or maybe she can give him her number and get to know him before she makes any final decision. Okay, I didn’t think any of those sounded good either. Actually, I think it’s quite simple. If she is not interested in the guy the best thing for her to do is to simply tell him that she is not interested. As hard as it might be for that guy to hear that she doesn’t want to go out with him, it won’t kill him. If they are good friends they will probably make fun of him for a little, but when the next girl he asks out says yes they will all forget about it. I think this option saves both the guy and girl from going through something that may only hurt even worse in the end. If a girl is not interested in me, then I want to know sooner rather than later so I don’t develop feelings that are going to mess me up in the long run. Now, maybe not everyone would agree with me, but I think this is the best option. Don’t waste each others time. And if for nothing else, just be honest. It may hurt, but dishonesty hurts more, even if the girl is just trying to be nice by making him look good in front of his friends.
Nemat John Moosavi- At least let them finish what they are saying when they approach you though… I started talking to some girl in NYC. I wasn’t even hitting on her, and before I could even finish my sentence, she shafted me. Shot to the pride. She was from France– Hence, the French are A-holes.
Brandon Bernal- So what’s your number?
Benjamin Harold Frederick- just say im not interested, i have feelings for another man. problem solved
(personal fav) Dan Swiss- Give him the # of a different guy who gave his # to you. That way he can save face and they can start a support group.
Jordan Ayala- Be nice and sweet, let them down easy but do it ip front. Don’t get a guys hopes up thinkin he has a shot then turn him down later. That’d just harsh. Ay least personally is rather have a girl shut me down then and there. Get it over with
Chris McIntyre- Better to be honest in the beginning then have to lie to him in the end. It hurts less if you rip the band-aid off fast, rather than tediously pull bit by agonizing bit. Hope that makes sense. Thanks for being thoughtful enough to pose this question. Seems rare these days to find a women that considers how a man feels.
Ganes Madison McCulloch- just say “NICE!” over-exuberantly, give them a high five, a coy, little wink, do a cat walk spin and take off… the positive energy will be so overwhelming they’ll just start giggling… happened to this guy I know like 4x today, all different girls… definitely wasn’t me, I just happened to be around that same guy all 4x, but for sure wasn’t me
Preston Brent Swann- Be straight forward with the guy. His friends will tease him about it because that’s just what guys do. I like what Brandon Roberts said though, about not making up your mind before you even know the guy. If your spoken for, tell him. If you’re not, well then, what have you got to lose? It’s not fair to talk badly about someone who rejected you, but neither is it to decide that you don’t want to waste your time getting to know him, before you actually know him. It may prove to be one of the best decisions you could have made. Even if you come to find that you and him don’t click, that doesn’t mean you two can’t be friends. Sometimes meeting people, who you end up being just friends with, can still change your life for the better.
Jeremy Thompson- My 2 cents: Always live honestly.
Scott Otterson- I agree with Jeremy. You should never play with anyone’s emotions. We get rejected often enough so don’t worry about our egos
Zacchary Lang Sayer- Just do whatever you want. In dating, everyone should just do what they want. If you want to be nice, be nice; if you want to be blunt, be blunt. If complete stranger asks you for his number then he has to be ready for whatever response you give him, if not then he’s an idiot. If he’s not a complete stranger, and if he has any sense at all, then he already knows whether or not you are interested.
Jon Jackson- Men shouldn’t need their buddies to back them up when they’re going for a phone number. Also, I think that it’s best to get the phone number after you’ve spent some time around the girl and you can see that she has an interest – that way you know that you’re both interested and you’ve already established a level of friendship (which I think is necessary to have before a dating relationship). But I agree with Preston – it’s not fair to talk badly about someone who rejected you, but neither is it to decide that you don’t want to waste your time getting to know him, before you actually know him. It may prove to be one of the best decisions you could have made.
Chas Wright- ….any guy who still says “can I have your number?” Isn’t being tactful enough. And generally if a girl says she isn’t interested but is nice about it..somehow the guy gets way more phased by her (wanting what he can’t have)..the girl should just say she’s already interested in someone. Not lying that she has a bf cause the guy will know if she does or doesn’t. Then steps 2-5 of Ganes advice haha