My nephew was born on October 4th.
But the angels missed him too much, so they called him back to play.
You never really think that anything like this will happen to your family. And its crazy how when it does, suddenly everything else disappears, nothing else matters. Obligations, school, money, sleep, boys, time, nothing matters. All that matters in that moment is your family and you realize you would do anything on this planet for them.
Emily, my sissy, found out on Monday that Crew no longer had a heartbeat.
Nothing in this world could hurt worse than to see someone you love so much laying in a hospital bed in pain and heart broken with your brother, her husband, standing next to her equally as heart broken and devastated. I’ve never once seen my brother cry, and it ripped my heart into a million tiny pieces.
Emily still had to deliver the baby and Little Crew came out at 12:23pm
He was the tiniest, most perfect boy you have ever seen.
The most amazing part was seeing all the tiny details that were just so amazingly perfect. His little hands and fingernails, toenails, his second toe bigger than the first (mamas boy), his little gums inside his mouth, his tiny ears, his calves (totally carl and grandpa jonnys calves), his long legs (like carl and ems), just everything about this little boy was so amazing.
Its insane how you can become so unbelievably attached to a baby that isn’t even yours. I craved so badly to hold him and for him to come home with us and to be my first nephew and watch Carl and Emily be parents. I craved Friday nights when Carl and Em go out and I could babysit him. I craved watching him grow up and being a part of his life. I craved everything about that little boy. The future with my nephew I spent endless hours upon hours daydreaming about was now gone. The worst part was, I knew the pain I was feeling was infinity times worse for my brother and his wife. There is absolutely nothing worse than knowing family members hearts are breaking and there is nothing you can do to stop it except be there.
I’ve never seen a baby that tiny, only 1 pound and not fully developed, and it gave me a new perspective on everything. Heavenly Father gave us the power to do that, to create such perfect beings, love them to pieces, and raise them on this earth. I can’t fully comprehend how amazing that is. I’ve always known this, but seeing Crew it all hit me like a ton of bricks. I got so overwhelmed just seeing the big picture of everything. The spirit was so unbelievably strong in that room with baby Crew, his spirit filled the room. I keep breaking down and just crying remembering it and praying that I will never forget what his spirit felt like or what he looked like. It was perfection.
Although, it was such a sad, heart breaking day, my brother and sisters first baby boy is waiting for them in heaven. He is taking care of his brothers and sisters that Carl and Emily will have someday soon and telling them how perfect their mom and dad are. He is watching over our family. He is probably in heaven playing sports with those calves and waiting for his dad to come play with him and for his mom to come and cheer.
I cant understand how anyone could go through something like this without the knowledge of the gospel. We are so lucky to know that this was not the last time they will get to hold their son. This life is so short and they will be with Crew for eternity one day. He was just too perfect for this world and our Heavenly Father just missed him too much and needed him back.
Em and Carl.
You are the most amazing parents.
You both are so strong and your testimonies are seriously so inspiring to everyone.
You have the most perfect little family that is going to continue to grow and your first son is waiting for you in the Celestial Kingdom.
I love you so so so much
**if you want to read Emily’s post and see more pics of Crew click here:
(i’ve read it 100 times. i read it over and over. its so amazing. she is perfect. they are perfect.)